Cold Steel Knife Porn: Oddly Disturbing (NSFW)

Image courtesy Cold Steel Cutlery

It weighs almost four pounds, and it sports 23″ of blade and 14″ of handle. Obviously it can chop the #$%@ out of things. So why does Cold Steel’s promotional video fill me with vague discomfort? Make the jump for the video and judge for yourself.

Cold Steel makes good knives, and I own a few of them, but this 2010 video is just wrong on so many levels. The phony ‘dungeon’ set, the miniature gallows and the black-clad executioners all make me wonder if Cold Steel hired out this video job to a German snuff/scheisse video studio. Either way, ick.

 

comments

  1. Matt in FL says:

    Basically all their videos that I’ve seen are like this. I’d be a little embarrassed if I worked for them.

  2. jwm says:

    If I wanted to see a fat guy make his war face I could just look in the mirror. As for their choice of settings, why do I get the feeling that we’re in Buffalo Bills basement. “First, it takes the lotion from the basket….”

    1. C says:

      It does as it’s told!

  3. Sam L. says:

    If ’twere Hank Reinhardt, I’d go for it.

  4. Sam L. says:

    He has some on You Tube.

  5. Chris Dumm says:

    I loved how the video narrator talked about ‘incredible balance’ while the demonstrators stumbled and slipped and overbalanced.

    Cold Steel also cheated on their testing a bit. Traditional Japanese swords were tested by slicing through bamboo poles and rolled tatami mats that were just barely balanced, and the proof of a good blade (and swordsman) was the challenge of slicing them into multiple pieces before they had time to fall over. Cold Steel mounted their bamboo and tatami rolls in a PVC holder, so they couldn’t fall over.

  6. janitor says:

    i want to buy a chinese war sword……idk why

  7. Aharon says:

    This design, the ‘Chinese Great Sword’, has intrigued me for a long time. I believe the originals were a bit more basic at the point and not as heavy. Based on what I recall, this was a sword that was often used by the peasants as it required the least training and skills to be effective. It was a hacking and chopping sword to equip the masses with and obviously not one designed for fine sword play. I’ve read that it was very effective at slicing through a warrior’s armor. Chinese fighters, were issued the Great Sword as recently as the 1930s when they ran out of guns and ammo in the fight against the invading Japanese Army.

  8. Aharon says:

    Cold Steel suggests an msrp of $530 for their “CHINESE WAR SWORD” in 1055 carbon 3.6 lbs. Condor Tool and Knife makes a similar model “Dynasty Dadao Sword” with a msrp $125 in 1075 high carbon 3.4 lbs. I own a bush craft knife from Condor and it’s a great knife priced at a great value.

  9. Skyler says:

    I recently fulfilled a need from 1984 when my roommate in college and I were getting ready to be commissioned in the USMC. We promised we would someday get swords with real edges. Cold Steel finally came through and I am now a proud owner.

    I am sure that this will never do anything except hang on a wall, but it’s a lot cooler to have a sword that has an edge than chintzy parade sword hanging on the wall.

    But I do agree that Cold Steel should find some people who aren’t fat to do their videos.

  10. Jim says:

    What exactly does the guys weight have to do with anything? So the guy is fat..he built a sucessful business based on selling a quality product at a reasonable price. I own several Cold Steel products and have never been less than 100% satisfied that I got my moneys worth. I was buying knives, not a freakin diet plan.

    1. Rocky L says:

      I agree with you Jim. A lot of dagger and sword collectors are typically nerds and geeks who are into fantasy stuff (RPGs, Lord of the Rings, Anime, etc.) and not usually in the best of physical condition (myself included). PLEASE NOTE I didn’t say EVERYONE who is into collecting swords are fat nerds or mall ninjas. Obviously the point of the video is that you don’t have to be a super fit martial artist to effectively use a Cold Steel sword.

  11. Sam L. says:

    Museum Replicas, part of Atlanta Cutlery, has a bunch of swords for sale. Many are good for using as a sword, and not just hanging on a wall.

  12. Nate says:

    Definitely dig that Chinese sword. Just wish the hilt wasn’t so overly long.

  13. Aharon says:

    Having a longer hilt might be helping to balance out the weight of that blade.

  14. Chris from Iowa says:

    The “fat guy” is Lynn Thompson, the owner of Cold Steel. He is campy, goofy, and almost embarassing to watch. He also makes enough money that he can afford to be campy, goofy, and embarassing to watch.

    His company also makes one hell of a sharp knife.

    Pretty much all of their demo videos are like this.

  15. Mark N. says:

    Cold Steel also makes some excellent spears. The ads with the pigs don’t bother me, as this is a usual way to test not only the cutting ability of the blade but the ability of the wielder. Some Japanese sword makers famously tested swords on the carcasses of executed prisoners–twenty prescribed cuts to test the mettle of the blade. Try slicing a gallon milk jug filled with water sometime–its not quite as easy as it looks, and will be unsuccessful if your technique or your blade is poor. And I disagree with Chris about “cheating” with the tatami mats–they are hard to cut under any circumstance, and these cuts were all clean. I did think that they were cheating a bit with the taped sections of rope, but the hanging rope was impressive.

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Cold Steel Knife Porn: Oddly Disturbing (NSFW)

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