One Reason Not To Tell Your Relatives You’re A Knife Guy

Image courtesy Amazon.com

Once your friends and family figure out that you’re a knife guy, the less imaginative among them will start thinking that knives are always the perfect gift for you. This can be a good thing, as long as this thought occurs to them while they’re visiting the Randall Knives web page. And with an Amex Gold Card in hand.

But if they’re browsing Amazon.com with an overdrawn debit card, you might end up with this useless 1911-themed folding ‘knife’.

With an unsharpenable mystery-metal blade and a grip that will nonetheless amputate your index finger when the flimsy lock inevitably fails, this alleged ‘knife’ is so wretched that your conscience won’t even let you give it to Goodwill. You won’t be able to slice open so much as a letter with it, but it will get you shot dead by police if they spot it printing through the fabric of your pants pocket.

Perhaps the saddest thing about it is that you can’t even throw it in with the metal recycling because the metal parts are too thick (I didn’t say ‘strong’) to be processed by a typical recycling center. And that’s sad, because there’s probably a good two or three ounces of pure zinc in that blade and lock; maybe more in the handle.

comments

  1. Jay says:

    My relatives know better. They have asked before if there is a knife I want, then they scamper away at the ticket price.

    1. Anonymous for reasons self-evident in the post below. says:

      +1. I’d be disingenuous though if I didn’t admit that I have one or two knives that I carry only when I am going to be around the person that gave it to me. I just hope the worlds never collide.

  2. Chris Dumm says:

    J.R.R. Tolkien’s idea of a ‘mathom’ gift comes to mind, but mathoms have to have some residual value.

  3. Daniel says:

    It’s not like i want to tell people I like knives, but its hard to hide hobbies from friends. Inevitably what happens is I get a lot of $20 knives at christmas.

  4. BLAMMO says:

    It could be worse. They could shop on the Knife Show / Cutlery Corner. Which is very funny until someone gets hurt. And then, it’s hilarious.

    http://youtu.be/_N4hprpRJhM

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One Reason Not To Tell Your Relatives You’re A Knife Guy

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