Humor

Hoodwink The Hoplophobes With CRKT Crossover Shears

Image courtesy CRKTCarrying a 5.5-inch fixed blade can get you in all kinds of trouble in certain parts of the country, but who’s going to freak out about a simple pair of scissors? The Columbia River Knife & Tool ‘Crossover’ shears appear to be just that.

“But wait! There’s More!”

More, in this case, is a handy chisel-ground fixed blade knife with a flexible and retractable finger loop. Along with a screwdriver, bottle opener, and grill scraper. I’m surprised they didn’t stick a iPad stylus on it just for good measure.

The shears are made from 3Cr13MoV stainless, which isn’t exactly the hardest supersteel ever known to science, but these are scissors after all. And they sell for between $25 and $50, sometimes including a nice leather sheath.

If knuckle knives are illegal in your jurisdiction, be sure to remove the scissor guard before taking them apart. But why bother unhinging the blades anyway? The assembled scissors are already a 6-inch bayonet, and it’s hard to find a knife much more lethal than that anyway. Just look at it: the profile looks like a miniature Swedish Mauser bayonet. Awesome!

“But these aren’t tactical scissors, Officer!”

If you do rock a pair of these on your belt or in your handbag, it would be best to carry some sewing pattern books to round out your cover story. And maybe needles, thread, and a small bolt of gingham. That might make for a rather bulky EDC kit, but at least you’d be able to sew up some dresses if you get stuck in an elevator.

Even this disguise probably won’t work in The Big Apple, though. After Tuesday’s mass scissors-stabbing in New York City, it’s probably safe to say the Mayor Mikey hates everything with an edge on it.

We’re getting a pair for testing, although I dunno what the testing protocol will be. Maybe we should evaluate these scissors on their ability to cut out paper angels, open letters, and stab deeply into a denim-wrapped standing rib roast?

(H/T to reader JoshTheViking.)

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Discussion

6 responses to ‘Hoodwink The Hoplophobes With CRKT Crossover Shears

  1. One of my co-workers tried to take a pair of standard scissors back into work and ran into a random search. They would not let her bring the scissors back into the building she had taken them out of that morning. Told her to mail them to herself in the building is she needed them in the building. Federal building and she is a Federal employee.

    • Similar thing happened to me when I went to the Smithsonian on a college trip to D.C. Had a decent pair of craft scissors in my backpack that I obliviously brought with me, the rent-a-pigs informed me that I couldn’t take them in and that if I left them with security so I COULD get in they’d destroy them (WTF, you can’t hold onto someone’s property for less than an hour and give it back?). I relinquished the scissors but was extremely pissed, $20 down the drain and I’ve been sour about that trip ever since.

  2. I guess that the paper and cardboard cutting tests afforded to regular knives would be a moot point when testing scissors.

    Those are, however, some pretty mean looking scissors.

  3. While not exactly high end, I’ve always been a huge fan of anything made by CRKT. I just picked up a new Desert Tan Jim Hammond Cruiser and I love it. I suppose I’ll be grabbing a pair of these as well. Thanks for the heads up.

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