Saturday must have been a slow news day in sunny San Diego, because a reported had the time to manufacture a whole story out of no news at all. The villains of her hatchet-piece were a grocery store, a few homeless people, and a company handing out these $5 cheese knives as a free promotion.
How can this be allowed to happen? She almost screams. Something must be done!
Here’s what caused the hoplophobic hysterics: a ‘viewer tip’ came in that the Ralph’s grocery store in Hillcrest was ‘handing out knives to homeless people.’ This is the kind of ambiguous information that could be alarming (say, if someone were handing out swords and machetes to mentally ill park-dwellers) but is more likely to be as completely harmless as it turned out to be here.
But cue the bubble-headed bleach blonde: Channel 10 News’ Maria Arcego-Dunn took a camera crew to the scene and was told that several homeless people had come to the store specifically to get their free gift!
This is about as menacing as deliberately going to an IHOP to get a free meal on your birthday. And who gives a rip if they’re homeless? If you think that homeless people don’t already own knives, you’re an idiot. Homeless people have a lot more mundane daily uses for knives than most of us, because their lives are unfortunately a lot more like camping than the way we live.
There is a higher incidence of mental illness and chemical dependance among the homeless, but to suggest categorically that homeless people shouldn’t even have small kitchen knives is outright paranoia.
Since there were apparently no adults in charge at Channel 10 News that day, there was nobody to stop Arcego-Dunn from interviewing a few random passersby who gladly tossed in their ignorant two cents’ worth.
Rhonda Schwartz said could not believe a company would be so irresponsible.
“No knife is safe,” she said. “That specifically has two points on it … and a very sharp looking edge. I certainly would be concerned if that got into the wrong hands.”
‘The wrong hands’ in this case belonging to Ms. Schwartz, a cheese Philistine who has apparently never seen a cheese knife before.
A ‘journalist’ like Maria Arcego-Dunn with a camera and microphone is much more dangerous than a homeless person with a cheese knife. Unless you’re a ripe wedge of Wensleydale, that it.