Irresponsible Sword Owner of the Day: “High” Elf Edition

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30-year old Konrad McKane was arrested in Portland while attacking a car with a sword while intoxicated. He was also in full elf regalia. And on LSD.

They say that if you are too weird for Portland, then you are too weird. Konrad McKane, a singer, fantasy-writer, and costume-play aficionado has taken this to an art form with arrests for climbing lamp-posts while dressed as a ninja, racing down hills in a rolling office chair, or streaking through an apartment complex. But it was his LSD-fueled rumble with a BMW that has landed him a stay at a local psychiatric facility.

From Vocativ.com‘s exclusive interview with McKane:

“By morning, McKane was channeling his Jaypar Prakkari character, fully immersed in a mission that could make sense only to a drug-addled LARPer. “I was here to save America,” he says. “In 10 days, Obama was going to be assassinated. Morgoth was chasing after me. I was chasing shadow dragons. It was crazy.”

At around 7 a.m., the weapon-wielding, hallucinating hero found himself at the intersection of Southeast Seventh Avenue and Morrison Street, where he decided to take on rush-hour traffic.

“I was walking down the yellow line in the middle of the road and jousting cars,” McKane says. “I was walking like I owned it, like I was a spaceship. People were honking horns and driving around me. Guys in trucks were being dicks. It was pretty fantastical. I was having great time.”

The fun ended when McKane found himself face-to-face with a red BMW, which he admits he mistook for a shape-shifting demon. The driver, a northeast Portland woman, had stopped in the middle of the road and was blasting her horn. A fearless McKane sprung into action.

“I hopped on her hood and tried to pierce her tires with my master sword,” he says. “I was trying to prove a point. Don’t mess with a dark elf.”

I am at a bit of a loss as to what more I can say by way of commentary. You really need to read the whole thing. McKane is actually interviewed by Vocative, and leaves us with such inspirational nuggets as:

“Honestly, the cops were pretty nice,” McKane says. “Even the one who pointed a Taser at me. But they broke my master sword. I was so pissed!”

and…

“It’s not like I’m a drug addict or anything,” says McKane. “But whenever someone offers some to me, I’ll take them. I find that it’s pretty rude to refuse gifts.”

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“”The last time I did drugs, I turned into a freakin’ dragon,” – Konrad McKane.

I will leave you with this final message from our elven friend:

“The more you live and breathe in that world, the more you become it,” he says. “I can now fully cross over. It’s all about balancing the light and the shadow.”

 

 

comments

  1. Paul B says:

    Wow, What a whacko. Course this is American, land of the free and home of the brave.

    1. sagebrushracer says:

      He was free, and brave, also I am grateful his weapon of choice was “only” a sword and his prey of choice was Motor Vehicles.

      Some might say this is a case for improving the mental health system, and I would strongly agree.

      I am also glad he didn’t break out his elvish bow and go hunting dwarfs at a local play ground. FYI, most fantasy realms the elf/dwarf relations range from hostile to active war. I could see this guy making much larger headlines than he already has.

  2. Duncan Idaho says:

    “They broke my master sword.”

    Well, it’s not hard to break stainless steel wallhangers. Should have splurged on a Windlass, at the least.

    Anyone else notice his nail polish in the picture?

    1. JoshtheViking says:

      I honestly thought that the top photo was a woman at first.

  3. Tom in Oregon says:

    That’s actually kind of tame for some parts of portland.
    It’s one of the many reasons I won’t go near that place unless I really, really have to.

  4. Steve says:

    Who’s bankrolling this clown?

    1. I am sure we all are.

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Irresponsible Sword Owner of the Day: “High” Elf Edition

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