British Tabloid Reporter Takes Swiss Army Knives On Flight; UK Press Wets Its Pants.

Image: Chris Dumm

During the ‘Blitz’ of 1940-41, Nazi Germany pounded southern England for eight months. Whole neighborhoods were leveled and tens of thousands of civilians were killed, prompting Winston Churchill to famously declare “We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender…”

The Last Lion’s brave words echo now only in history, because none in power have the minerals to utter them today. Last week the U.K. press and Parliament soiled their nappies after a tabloid reporter flew from Zurich to London with newly-purchased Swiss Army Knives in his pockets. Oh, the humanity!

Mail On Sunday freelance reporter Simon Murphy boarded a flight from Zurich to London after purchasing small Swiss Army Knives at a duty-free shop in the Zurich airport. To make sure his stunt provoked widespread urination, Murphy  posed for in-flight photos (gasp!) with the tiny blades extended. It was only by the grace of God that every passenger and crew member aboard was not brutally murdered.

We’re hardly surprised or even disappointed that an exceedingly young British tabloid reporter would pull a stunt like this. I mean, they don’t call it ‘yellow’ journalism because that’s the color of sunshine and flowers, right? It’s the reaction of the rest of the British press, and of Parliament, that’s the real jaw-dropper.

  • Tory MP Nick de Bois said: ‘We need to change the rules. You can’t legislate for the state of mind of  the individual carrying the knife  so why put the temptation in front  of someone? A 6cm toughened blade, which you get in a Swiss Army knife, could be lethal in the wrong hands.”
  • The Daily Mail ran a photograph of a perfectly-innocuous Victorinox SAK with this caption: “Swiss Army penknives are armed with an array of potentially lethal blades.”
  • Cherub-faced tabloid reporter Murphy scowls (ineffectually) in his airplane-toilet selfie while holding not one but (dear God!) three knives, which appear to be Camper or Tinker models. The caption reads: “Blade runner: Mail on Sunday reporter Simon Murphy brandishes the lethal blades in the aeroplane toilet after smuggling them aboard the British Airways flight from Zurich, Switzerland, to London.”

To which I say, if a Victorinox Tinker scares the hell out of you, you’re a wuss. And if a tabloid reporter with a Victorinox Tinker scares the hell out of you, you’re a wuss who needs to up his medication.

It’s worth pointing out that Murphy’s shenanigans didn’t even break the law: EU aviation rules (and almost everyone else’s except for the US and UK) permit pocketknives with blades of 6 cm or less in length. Even our own Directorate Of Transportation Security Theater (aka the TSA) flirted with adopting the EU’s common-sense knife rules, but backed out under hysterical pressure from the flight attendant’s union.


Image: WikipediaLet’s take one final trip back to 1940: The royal family stayed in their Buckingham Palace residences through the Nazi bombing campaign, and the Queen dismissed calls for her to flee with her daughters: “The children won’t go without me. I won’t leave the King. And the King will never leave.”

The royal family stayed in place, and proved that the British (all of them) used to have balls: big brass ones. It is a tragedy that decades of living in an Orwellian nanny-state have left Britain’s press and politicians as impotent as a slate of Nevada boxing commissioners. The Queen Mother, and the Last Lion, would be ashamed.



  1. jwm says:

    This is the result of ww1 and ww2. France and England lost their best and bravest, leaving only inferior males to reproduce.

    Help is on the way tho. They’re getting an infusion of fresh blood from North Africa and pakistan and other such places.

  2. Matt in FL says:

    If you’ve never read World War Z (screw the movie, I’m talking about the book), he hits on the “Royal Family paradigm” in there, because again, Brooks had the Queen not leave, but remain at Windsor Castle “for the duration.” It was really an awesome passage, I thought:

    Their task, their mandate, is to personify all that is great in our national spirit. They must forever be an example to the rest of us, the strongest, and bravest, and absolute best of us. In a sense, it is they who are ruled by us, instead of the other way around, and they must sacrifice everything, everything, to shoulder the weight of this godlike burden. Otherwise what’s the flipping point? Just scrap the whole damn tradition, roll out the bloody guillotine, and be done with it altogether. They were viewed very much like castles, I suppose: as crumbling, obsolete relics, with no real modern function other than as tourist attractions. But when the skies darkened and the nation called, both reawoke to the meaning of their existence. One shielded our bodies, the other, our souls.

    1. jwm says:

      Read the book. Haven’t seen the movie. Watched some movie, can’t remember which, where the King of some medieval country explained the facts of life to his daughter. We are only King And Princess so long as our subjects allow us to be.

      Serve some function that is usefull or get out.

  3. I_Like_Pie says:

    That guy looks like the biggest douche that has ever lived.

    Just looking at a picture of the guy makes me kinda sorry for the people around him 24/7

  4. Sam L. says:

    Oooooohhhhhhhh, the Humanity! The Horror! The horror….

  5. Aharon says:

    The Nazis chose intentionally not to bomb the Palace and nor did they bomb the City of London (located within London) which is politically an independent city from greater London. When the Queen visits there she is not the Sovereign. The City of London is the home and headquarters for the centuries-old big banking and financial service industry firms. Why the two locations or potential targets were both not bombed is open to debate and mystery.

  6. Steve says:

    Swiss Army knives and flying used to go together like coffee and cream. Not many know that, although Victorinox knives have been around for over a century, the name “Swiss Army Knife” originated in WWII. US Army troops found a Victorinox on virtually every German soldier they killed or captured during the War, and at war’s end soldiers bought huge quantities of the knives for souvenirs at Army PX stores. The German name for the knives “Schweizer Offiziermessers,” was too hard to pronounce, so they just called them “Swiss Army Knives.” The name obviously stuck. And the rest is history.

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British Tabloid Reporter Takes Swiss Army Knives On Flight; UK Press Wets Its Pants.

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