Drunk man cuts himself trying to stab a tree after assaulting homeowners

(image credit: www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/p/the-lorax-does-not-approve/)

wise man once said, “Booze is liquid bad judgment no doubt but it shouldn’t make you into a damn moron. If you are a moron sober I don’t know what to tell you.”. A drunken Arkansas man first attempted to stab a Mountain Home couple, missed, and then put the “MO” in moron as he proceeded to pick a fight with a tree.

From THV11.com:

After the failed stabbing attempts, Swingle reportedly left the home. The occupants left shortly after Swingle, according to the news release. That wasn’t the end of the incident.

When the occupants of the residence returned home and went into the kitchen, they found Swingle passed out with “blood all around him” according to the news release. At that point, the occupants of the residence chose to call authorities.

Baxter County deputy Jacob Zappa arrived on scene to find Swingle still in the kitchen nursing what was described as a large cut to his right hand. Zappa called an ambulance for the failed stabber, who was transported to Baxter Regional Medical Center where he received treatment for his self-inflicted wound before being taken to the Baxter County Detention Center. Swingle held in lieu of a $10,000 bond on a charge of felony aggravated assault.

Swingle reportedly told the deputy that he cut his hand when he attempted to stab a tree. While Arkansas does have animal cruelty laws, there are no similar laws to protect trees from stabbing attempts by allegedly intoxicated individuals.

As The Lorax once said:

“I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees. You are a moron, don’t go around stabbing trees”. Or words to that effect.

Stupid is as stupid does…


  1. Sam L. says:

    The picture above reminds me of Alfred E. Neuman of MAD Magazine.

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Drunk man cuts himself trying to stab a tree after assaulting homeowners

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