From The Darkest Depths Of Uselessness: ‘Tactical’ Harpoon

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What do you do with an oversized hook-bladed knife so ugly that even one of J.R.R. Tolkien’s goblins wouldn’t be caught dead with it? Call it “Tactical” and give it a military-sounding name. Hence the “M48 Hawk Tactical Harpoon.” Want one?

If you listen carefully you’ll learn that it features “A razor-sharp blade that will slice through anything like butter.” I guess that means peanut butter, margarine, cream cheese and soft-boiled eggs don’t stand a chance.

I don’t care if it’s only $22.99; I’m voting with the goblins on this one. Yeech.


  1. Matt in FL says:

    Thirteen year old boys everywhere are firing up the lawnmower. They’re going to be so sad when mom says “No.”

    1. jwm says:

      When was the last time you saw a 13 yo boy cutting lawns or delivering papers for money? The guys ordering these will be 30-40 yo still living with their mothers and spending Friday night learning cool new phrases in Klingon instead of getting laid.

      1. Duncan Idaho says:

        I wonder when the conception emerged that you need to get “laid” to have a good time…

        I think the people who bought this are the same people (I’ve got my flame-proof gear on, so here it goes…) that buy “zombie” gear. Y’know, they spend their lives preparing for a stupid contingency, thinking anarchy is bliss, etc.

        A little off-topic here, but it sort of pisses me off that Hornady bought into that crap… It doesn’t paint a good picture of gun owners, and it’s an especially bad move with all this “gun control” going on.

        1. jwm says:

          Know a lot of Klingon, do you?

        2. Duncan Idaho says:

          No, I’m more of a Dune man.

          Never did get into Star Trek.

        3. knightofbob says:

          Here’s where I publicly voice a couple realizations that would probably best be kept to myself:

          Your user name is so familiar to me I never even gave it a second thought, I’d actually have been completely weirded out if it turned out you were just a guy who happened to be named Duncan and happened to live in Idaho.

          I’m over thirty, and I’m actually posting this through my parents’ wifi (I’m just visiting.)

          I don’t know any Klingon, nor do I know anyone who does, but I might know a guy who knows a little Elvish.

          With that out of the way, this zombie thing really is getting out of hand. Hornady, Ka-Bar, Leupold, Sig, Mossberg, even Remington and Ruger! I can’t even avoid specific brands anymore, just the individual products. I don’t think GLOCK has let me down yet…

          And even worse, Hornady doesn’t even offer the Z-Max in 10 mil!

  2. Duncan Idaho says:

    BudK (I order one damn thing from that website years ago and they SEND ALL THE MAGAZINES) has an entire line of those. Some of them look useful, like the tomahawk, and I’d feel pretty solid with their short spear (I’m pretty sure CSK’s spears would perform better, though). All of their ads for them depict some S.W.A.T. -garbed person wielding the weapon… pretty laughable.

    Also, what’s up with BudK’s Nazi paraphernalia? When I have the time to flip through their magazines, I see Hitler Youth daggers everywhere… Even in the hypothetical situation that they did have anything worth buying, I wouldn’t order it from the pages of a (as another older article here on TTAK put it) “Nazi fetish” magazine.

    Somebody has to be buying that crap for them to keep retailing it…

  3. Sam L. says:

    I get the occasional BudK catalog. I don’ wanna think about the mailing lists I’d be on if I ordered from them.

    1. Ducky says:

      I ordered from them once. I got on a bunch of cool catalog lists, like shomer-tec police gear, but I also got on a bunch of weird lists, like bit and bridle custom saddle blankets, as well as a whole catalog dedicated to leather whips.

  4. Bob Damon says:

    If you are ever attacked by a army of generic soda cans and bottles, this is the weapon to have. I think I destroyed some coke cans and bottles as a kid by tying a steak knife to a broom handle. Didn’t realize I had created a tactical harpoon.
    I think he was wise to wear gloves when he was using it in his hand, one slip forward and you get cut. Having a lot of choices for knives also means some really bad ones.

  5. I_Like_Pie says:

    I want to stand on the bow of a boat dressed like a clown and harpoon those cwazy asian carp with one of these things in each hand.
    Blammo….harpoon!!! Every time one of them flies by me.

    It looks like a knife you would use to till a flower garden.

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From The Darkest Depths Of Uselessness: ‘Tactical’ Harpoon

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