Man Stabbed With Legend Of Zelda Replica Sword. No Charges Filed. Not Making This Up.

Image courtesy WikipediaA bizarre love triangle unfolded in Texas last week, where two men reportedly brawled using a flower vase and a replica Legend Of Zelda sword in the home of their mutual love interest. Despite both suffering wounds from their Super Smash Bros. Brawl, neither man is being charged with a crime.

Police say Kimberly Wilkey invited her extranged husband John back to her house to bury the hatchet. When he got there, however, John was confonted by Kimbrerly’s new BF Eugene Thompson. Thompson was armed with a replica Link sword from the Legend Of Zelda video games, and the two sruggled over the blade.

“It is a little out of ordinary,” Deputy Thomas Gilliland told KSAT-San Antonio. “You don’t hear of too many domestic disputes involving swords.”

After a series of struggles (between which Wilkey kicked down an exterior door to his wife’s house) Wilkey smashed Thompson in the head with a vase and Thompson duly stabbed him in the chest and leg. Both men were taken to area hospitals for treatment. Thompson was treated and released, while Wilkey was admitted for treatment of serious but non life-threatening injuries.

Police say no charges will be filed, because neither man would swear out a complaint against the other. “Neither complainant would cooperate to press charges against each other,” Gilliland said. “Go figure.”

I figure neither of these mooks wanted any more details of their apparently Bizarre Love Triangle going public, and that the Texas police don’t see a need to create work for themselves by prosecuting both sides of a consensual brawl.

I also figure that sword beats vase. Every time.

Source: NY Daily News.


  1. Matt in FL says:

    Come on, now that’s just funny.

    Honestly, it gratifies me to see that neither of them want to press charges. Fight like men, settle like men, get over it like men. That’s unusual nowadays.

    1. Duncan Idaho says:


  2. Driver says:

    I wonder if the vase broke and a rupee came out.

    1. JoshtheViking says:

      That’s what I was thinking.

  3. jwm says:

    Saturday night in the trailer park. That’s so Jerry springer.

  4. GC says:

    Two men enter! One man leave!

    1. major marco says:

      Are we still talking about Kimberly? I mean her house, of course.

      1. MD says:

        Boom! Nicely done. 🙂

      2. Matt in FL says:

        I like the cut of your jib, sir.

  5. VaqueroJustice says:

    Every so often, some replica weapon shows up on a board, and the hail of comments calling it useless and lame inevitably follow. There are certainly better defensive weapons out there, but this happened to be the one that fell to hand when needed, and seems to have served adequately. Could be that such items aren’t as useless as we might have thought.

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Man Stabbed With Legend Of Zelda Replica Sword. No Charges Filed. Not Making This Up.

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