Porsche Cayman Stabbed In Detroit


With its high crime rate, not to mention the city’s deteriorating infrastructure, Detroit is not high on the list of places I would want to live. But, as if potholes and frost heaves weren’t enough to worry about, the roads are even getting in on the criminal action! A test vehicle in the hands of Car & Driver recently took a knife to the underside…

From blog.caranddriver.com:

Operating the sort of test fleet we do, it is with fair regularity that we encounter the occasional cracked windshield, bent wheel rim, or chipped hood…

But even we were shocked—or maybe impressed, even—when we discovered an 8-inch serrated kitchen knife embedded a good four inches deep in our long-term Porsche Cayman S’s underbody….

Road warrior Charley Ladd unsheathed the problem after stopping to investigate a strange scraping sound emanating from beneath our lovely red sports car. We’re not sure how long the knife had been forking the Porsche’s underside, but there it was, driven into a bonded seam in the floorboard underneath the passenger seat at a 30-degree angle, its handle pointed toward the front of the car…


Some determined tugging ripped the handle from the blade, requiring a second effort to completely free the knife from its moor…

We can’t really say… how it was that a relatively flimsy “titanium” blade made in China came to be driven so deeply into a tight body seam by happenstance.

Porsche’s are known for their corner carving capabilities, so maybe the knife was just attracted to the sharp handling and cutting edge technology of the little red sports car?

Or, perhaps this was a case of class warfare. The trod-upon asphalt sticking it to the 1%!

Could this be Detroit’s version of excise tax?


Ok, I’ll stop now. Leave your own puns and wordplay in the comments!


  1. Roger says:

    Looks like a knife I saw at West Marine. Looks like a boating/fishing knife too. Not the usual knife you’d find laying in the streets. Maybe it fell off of a boat?

  2. cmeat says:

    i’m keen to suggest that slicing and dicing through motor city’s arteries could leave one a bit edgy.

    1. Bravo!

      Maybe they were just trying to bleed the brake lines?

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Porsche Cayman Stabbed In Detroit

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