Stabbed Russian Diplomat Has Canada In A Tizzy. Payback’s A Bitch, Huh?

Image courtesy Martin family, via the Ottowa Citizen

A bizarre altercation between a Russian diplomat and a Canadian military reservist (pictured) has our northern neighbor in an uproar. Pfc. Kevin Martin is charged with stabbing Russian diplomatic employee Andrey Gorobets somewhere in the Ottowa apartment building where they each have a flat.

But that’s just the beginning. Gorobets initially told paramedics that his cuts and puncture wounds came from dog bites. Police followed the blood trail to Martin’s apartment and found Martin, bloodied and naked, with a knife nearby.

And even that is just the beginning.

Gorobets was drunk. And Martin is of Ukrainian descent. And they had spent the evening socializing together, while communicating through a translation program on a cell phone. And they had never met before.

Gorobets, who was officially listed as part of the ‘administrative and technical staff’ for the embassy, has since left Canada for Russia. If past international incidents are any guide, he is unlikely to ever return.

The Ottowa Citizen supplies the few details available:

[Kevin’s father] Nelson Martin said his understanding, from speaking to his son’s lawyer who saw a police report, is that his son went outside of the Stewart Street building on Thursday night to walk his dog. While outside, Nelson Martin said, his son met the Russian diplomat and the man’s wife and child, all for the first time.

“They invited him up to their place,“ Nelson Martin said. “After he was up there for a few minutes, or whatever the time was, he then invited the fella down to his place.“

“We don’t know why, it might have been to share a video game, or who knows,” said Kevin’s stepmother, Janice Martin.

There was a language barrier between the two men, so they were using a cellphone translation program, Nelson Martin said.

Sometime later that night or in the early morning hours, some sort of confrontation broke out.

If anybody has the faintest idea what the f*ck is really going on, it sounds like the Canadian government would really like to know. Could this be payback for the Russian invasion of Ukraine? A drunken bro-mance over video games and vodka, suddenly soured by geopolitics?

Earlier government statements to the CBC denied that there could be any possible political or geopolical motives, but those statements have clearly been rendered ‘inoperative’ by the recent developments. All possible motives are muddied, because Martin’s great-grandfather was the last family member to live in Ukraine, and Martin was not known to be politically active.

Stay tuned.


  1. Duncan Idaho says:

    Hey, Google Translate is an @$$hole and everyone knows it.

  2. jwm says:

    Alcohol and stupid don’t mix. Add a knife and hilarity will ensue.

  3. Steve In MA says:

    My money’s on lovers quarrel.

  4. Matt in FL says:

    Pretty funny. If the fight was caused by a faulty translation, can they sue Google? Probably not, since the translator, like everything else Google, is a “beta,” so they’re not responsible when it messes up.

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Stabbed Russian Diplomat Has Canada In A Tizzy. Payback’s A Bitch, Huh?

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