Small Swiss Army Knife = Big Trouble for CA 5th Grader

Victorinox Swiss Army Knife Classic SD Pocket Knife (courtesy

“In early April, Braden Bandermann’s class set off on Garden Gate Elementary School’s annual, week-long pilgrimage for fifth-graders to Marin Headlands, just north of San Francisco,” The Daily Caller reports. “Before leaving, Braden did what any Silicon Valley 10-year-old faced with the perils of nature might do: he hid in the basement and played Call of Duty.” Just kidding. “He packed his trusty Swiss Army knife. As any camper knows, the multi-tool device is nothing if not versatile. Braden’s particular model contains a can opener, tweezers, a toothpick, a nail file, a tiny pair of scissors and a small blade. The little blade landed the boy in big trouble . . .

“They called me,” explained Tony Bandermann, Braden’s father. “They said, ‘You have to come and get him. He has a weapon. He needs to be suspended or possibly expelled.’”

Principal Brandi Hucko eventually determined that a one-day suspension was appropriate punishment for young Braden’s Swiss Style Semper Paratus; as opposed to say, mandatory membership in the Boy Scouts. Unfortunately, Mr. B was miles away from base camp. So Hucko decreed a one-day time out.

School officials forced Braden to serve a one-day suspension at camp. He was allegedly isolated in a teacher’s lounge area from all the other children. He was forced to eat meals by himself. He was forced to sleep in an area separate from all the other children. He missed an entire day of activities.

Bandermann believes school officials overreacted.

“This is not Sandy Hook,” he said. “Get real. He brought a stupid Swiss Army knife to camp.”

A stupid Swiss Army knife? I reckon the can opener reference is a slur, suggesting that young Braden brought an alcoholic beverage. It’s more likely that he schlepped a $12.21 Victorinox Swiss Army Classic SD Pocket Knife. A classic McGuyver-style tool that’s about as threatening as a Build-a-Bear Pinkie Pie.

Stupid Swiss Army knife? No wonder young Braden brought the blade camping. He was rebelling against the politically correct mamby pamby urbanism purveyed by Golden State educators. In that sense, he’s my hero.


  1. TXDadoo says:

    There are neither enough faces nor palms in all the world to adequately respond to the state of the State of California.

    1. Mark N. says:

      It’s not a California thing, it’s a schools thing, all over the US. No tolerance policies that ban anything resembling a weapon, including toy soldiers with guns, finger guns, and pop tarts eaten to look like a gun. A REAL knife??? How COULD he? If we don’t retrain the sociology touchy feely if we make it disappear it won’t exist over-influenced teacher teaching system, we are doomed to wussification.

      1. MothaLova says:

        The only hope is to destroy the teachers’ unions utterly.

        1. Pat says:


  2. the last Marine out says:

    HEY get your kids out of (socialist) public schools and move out Ca. ASAP . that’s your answer.

    1. lolinski says:

      Its a bit late to reply (was looking for something else). But I have to say it: Dont blame us damned dirty socialists, we taught our kids to shoot and survive things not expell them for carying knives.

  3. Robert Farago says:

    I sold my house last night. Off to . . . Austin. Yes I know. But there’s no way their school system can be more PC than my daughter’s Quaker school here in Providence. Can’t be done.

    1. the last Marine out says:

      Check out home schooling groups , they do very well , score top 10 % at collage, seems hard , but I worked 3 part time and 1 full time job got the kid a good education, and as a last resort follow up the socialism they teach your kids , so you kids can learn to think , that will save America…

  4. Sam L. says:

    Zero tolerance = zero tolerance for common sense, good sense, intelligent responses, (and the list goes on and on and on).

  5. jwm says:

    As a California resident, why am I not surprised? Oh yeah, it’s because I’m a California resident.

  6. MothaLova says:

    Great piece. We are making it more and more impossible to raise children properly so that they become adults rather than grown-up kids.

  7. Dyspeptic Gunsmith says:

    It has reached the point that leaving your children in public schools amounts to parental malpractice.

  8. Pat says:

    Stupid, evil, twisted libtards (democrats).

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Small Swiss Army Knife = Big Trouble for CA 5th Grader

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