Carrying a 5.5-inch fixed blade can get you in all kinds of trouble in certain parts of the country, but who’s going to freak out about a simple pair of scissors? The Columbia River Knife & Tool ‘Crossover’ shears appear to be just that.
“But wait! There’s More!”
More, in this case, is a handy chisel-ground fixed blade knife with a flexible and retractable finger loop. Along with a screwdriver, bottle opener, and grill scraper. I’m surprised they didn’t stick a iPad stylus on it just for good measure.
The shears are made from 3Cr13MoV stainless, which isn’t exactly the hardest supersteel ever known to science, but these are scissors after all. And they sell for between $25 and $50, sometimes including a nice leather sheath.
If knuckle knives are illegal in your jurisdiction, be sure to remove the scissor guard before taking them apart. But why bother unhinging the blades anyway? The assembled scissors are already a 6-inch bayonet, and it’s hard to find a knife much more lethal than that anyway. Just look at it: the profile looks like a miniature Swedish Mauser bayonet. Awesome!
“But these aren’t tactical scissors, Officer!”
If you do rock a pair of these on your belt or in your handbag, it would be best to carry some sewing pattern books to round out your cover story. And maybe needles, thread, and a small bolt of gingham. That might make for a rather bulky EDC kit, but at least you’d be able to sew up some dresses if you get stuck in an elevator.
Even this disguise probably won’t work in The Big Apple, though. After Tuesday’s mass scissors-stabbing in New York City, it’s probably safe to say the Mayor Mikey hates everything with an edge on it.
We’re getting a pair for testing, although I dunno what the testing protocol will be. Maybe we should evaluate these scissors on their ability to cut out paper angels, open letters, and stab deeply into a denim-wrapped standing rib roast?
(H/T to reader JoshTheViking.)