Irresponsible Lawsuit Of The Day: This Guy Forgot How To Chew


In another sad example of the victim mentality that pervades our modern culture – a Gulfport, Mississippi attorney has blamed Popeye’s Chicken because he forgot that homo-sapiens actually posses a highly refined set of teeth.

Why? Because he choked on some chicken. Why is it the restaurants fault? Because apparently you need a knife to eat fried chicken.

From ABC News: “Knives Needed, Man Says After Choking on Popeyes Chicken

The lawsuit states that because Newton didn’t receive a plastic knife (with his drive-thru order), his only option was to hold the chicken breast with his hands and tear off pieces with his teeth, causing him to choke.”

Actually that was not the only option, and in fact I can think of a couple that are better. You could chew your food like a normal person, or *gasp* carry a damn knife like a real man!

My Great Eastern Cutlery #73 rides with me constantly and makes an excellent dining knife and it is slim enough that it can go unnoticed in a pocket until it is needed. It is certainly a more civilized way to masticate than to just tear into your food with your massive chompers!

Image courtesy of David C. Andersen

The story continues:

“The lawsuit says Newton underwent emergency surgery to remove the piece of chicken from his throat.”

I get it. No one likes to own up to their own mistakes, but going further and trying to blame and extract money from someone else because of said mistakes is utterly reprehensible. Maybe his health insurance sucks and he has bills to pay, but that is still no excuse to pass the buck for your own dumbassery.

Emergency surgery is no fun, but if time is indeed non-linear as some suggest, then it what he deserved… pre-karma for filing the suit against the chicken chain. The guy should just be thankful he isn’t getting a Darwin Award and move on with his life.

This story is making the rounds and I also turned up this video from CBS DFW. They interviewed some folks, asking about the lawsuit and some of the responses are priceless. I’ll just leave the link here as the video autoplays. If you want to see it, just click here.

In the interest of helping this lackwit litigtor, lets remind him why it is important to chew your food, with this list from “7 Important Reasons to Properly Chew Your Food

1. You absorb more nutrients and energy from your food… while preventing you from choking.

2. Helps you maintain a healthy weight… while preventing you from choking.

3. Your food gets more exposure to saliva… while preventing you from choking.

4. It aids digestion… while preventing you from choking.

5. Its good for your teeth… while preventing you from choking.

6. Minimizes excess bacteria in your large intestine… while preventing you from choking.

7. It lets you enjoy the taste of your food… while preventing you from choking.

I may have tweaked their list slightly. So sue me.


  1. Sam L. says:

    I score your opening paragraph as a 10! I’m guessing this fool was eating and driving.

  2. borg says:

    Eating chicken while driving may constitute distracted driving. He is lucky that he did not kill anyone if he was driving while eating. Also next time he should buy chicken tenders or nuggets since he would be less likely to choke while enjoying dipping sauces.

  3. Sam L. says:

    Good to see there’s a picture. Only the box was there for me yesterday.

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Irresponsible Lawsuit Of The Day: This Guy Forgot How To Chew

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