Reader Essay Submission: Gollum’s Pockets

By Albert A.

What has it got in it’s nasty little pocketses?” – Gollum – Lord of the Rings


The usual pocket-litter.
Wallet, usual cards, licenses, money and such.
2 duplicate key-chains. (I lost a key-chain once and was locked out of my life.)
A bottle of hand-sanitizer.
A Listerine breath spray.
A handkerchief for my nose and another to wipe the sweat off my bald head.
Memory sticks for various computer functions.
A vial of Aleve and Aspirin for my arthritis.

A 4.5 inch Protech Godfather Switchblade.–Protech-Godfather–455

Pepper Spray.

A S&W 638 Bodyguard .38 caliber revolver.

A speedloader with 5 extra rounds.

Is that good enough for you, Gollum?

Best Regards,

Albert A.
Sgt. USMC 1979-1988

(Note: the contest deadline is 11:59pm 6/3/15. Submit your work to



  1. MD says:

    @ Albert: Holy cow your pockets must be enormous! Good for you, though. Semper Fi.

    1. Albert A, says:

      Yes, it sounds like a heavy load and I do have to wear my cell phone on a belt clip. But consider this.

      The largest single item is the S&W revolver. As .38 caliber revolvers go it’s pretty small. The wallet is the next biggest item.

      My pockets are full but not distorted.

      I live in SE Texas right up against the Louisiana border. Hot and humid most of the year. If you can’t put it in your pockets you probably will wish you hadn’t left it at home when you need it.

  2. joleolsen says:

    Plus one on the S&W 638. One of my favorites. I have a similar carry, but two knives, only one set of keys & one handkerchief, and trade the hand sanitizer for a flashlight. Seriously, you need a flashlight.

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Reader Essay Submission: Gollum’s Pockets

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