Sunday Funny: Keep it classy Florida


After his wife threw a burrito at him, Carl Owen Smith stabbed her in the hand with a fork.

Florida is always fertile ground for knife, and apparently fork, misuse.

From Mandatory:

According to KXAN, a 51-year-old Crestview woman and her 66-year-old husband were arrested earlier this week after she threw a burrito at him and he responded by stabbing her with a fork.

Police said the lover’s quarrel took place Tuesday morning after Suzanne Hurlvert became so upset with Carl Owen Smith’s drinking habit that she threw her half-eaten Burrito Supreme at him. Smith became enraged and retaliated by stabbing his wife in the hand with a fork he was using to eat a Taco Bell pizza.

When deputies from the Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office arrived on the scene, they found Hurlvert with the fork jammed so far into her hand that it would later have to be removed at a hospital. They also found what was left of her Burrito Supreme scattered on the floor.

What they didn’t find? You guessed it: Hurlvert’s husband, and that’s because he was busy getting his drink on at a local tavern. When police caught up with him there, they showed him a picture of his wife’s hand. He reportedly started laughing and said he and his wife have a “lengthy history of domestic violence.”

It may seem like a reach, but I wanted to tie this back to the rise in NYC knife assaults. While the rash of subway stabbings grabs the headlines, the majority of the assaults are domestic in nature. Every if you were to confiscate every knife in the borough, there is no shortage of blunt objects or pointy things such as a fork with which to assault someone.


  1. I like that they specifically mention that it was a burrito supreme lol!

  2. Sam L. says:

    I take it she was arrested for Assault With Burrito Grande?

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Sunday Funny: Keep it classy Florida

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